Monday, November 30, 2009

g Life, Love and Marriage at Your Perfect Wedding Ceremony

There's a reason all the fairy tale stories end with: And they lived happily ever after. No one was really willing to look at how hard marriage is. It is hard. And it's incredibly rewarding. But we don't do ourselves any favors at our wedding ceremonies if we only acknowledge the sweetness of marriage apart from the complexity of it. Love can triumph over life's obstacles. But it is helpful to understand that love will be stretched and tested. There's a Yoruban wedding tradition that speaks directly to that.

One caveat: It's important that we not simply snatch rituals from other cultures and apply them to our lives, so I haven't included the ritual here. What we're looking at is the intent and content of that ritual. Find the words yourself to make this ritual right for you, and acknowledge where it came from.

One of the wonderful things about this ritual is that it includes your sense of taste. The more senses involved in an event, the more ways it is recorded in your brain. That gives you more ways, once the wedding is over to recall - call back - the memory. The more easily and frequently you remember your wedding and how you loved one another on that day, the stronger your marriage. So what are the components? (you don't need to swallow these, you just need to touch them to your tongue)


Sour: Life does not always work out the way we want it to, but it is interesting. Taste: Lemon Juice. If you can arrange it, have your celebrant juice the lemon, so its scent works for you as well.
Bitter: Sometimes life is challenging and the results are difficult to accept. Loving marriage can help us withstand those painful moments. Taste: Vinegar. Isn't it interesting that the scent of vinegar can be used to revive someone. We recoil from the harshness of life, but it does make us feel alive.
Hot: Life is passionate and sometimes a bit more fiery than we're ready for. And there's no one who can make us more crazy - in love and in anger - than our sweetie beloved! Taste: Cayenne pepper. Just touch a little to your tongue.
Sweet: The goal is that we will work to keep love and marriage sweet enough so that the last taste in our mouth (and in our hearts) is always sweetness. Taste: Honey. Honey is an interesting sweetener because it also heals. It's interesting to consider how the sweetness between us can heal.
I would add to this ritual a glass of fresh water. Or even a glass of water seasoned with all these tastes. Don't know whether you noticed, but these are exactly the ingredients that you put into an energy drink, commonly given to people who fast. In the right combinations, this is a wonderful drink. (Why not serve it at the wedding as a non-alcoholic option?) And that's the truth. In the right proportions all of these things make a wonderful drink and a wonderful life. Too much sweetness is cloying. To much bitterness wears you down. Either too much tartness and too much fire can separate you. But in balance and in succession, they will enrich your lives and your marriage.

You just might want to keep a jug of this in your refrigerator as tonic for life. Don't drink it without thinking about what you're doing. Extra marriage points if you use the same jug in your refrigerator that you had on your wedding altar.

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