There's a reason all the fairy tale stories end with: And they lived happily ever after. No one was really willing to look at how hard marriage is. It is hard. And it's incredibly rewarding. But we don't do ourselves any favors at our wedding ceremonies if we only acknowledge the sweetness of marriage apart from the complexity of it. Love can triumph over life's obstacles. But it is helpful to understand that love will be stretched and tested. There's a Yoruban wedding tradition that speaks directly to that.
One caveat: It's important that we not simply snatch rituals from other cultures and apply them to our lives, so I haven't included the ritual here. What we're looking at is the intent and content of that ritual. Find the words yourself to make this ritual right for you, and acknowledge where it came from.
One of the wonderful things about this ritual is that it includes your sense of taste. The more senses involved in an event, the more ways it is recorded in your brain. That gives you more ways, once the wedding is over to recall - call back - the memory. The more easily and frequently you remember your wedding and how you loved one another on that day, the stronger your marriage. So what are the components? (you don't need to swallow these, you just need to touch them to your tongue)
Sour: Life does not always work out the way we want it to, but it is interesting. Taste: Lemon Juice. If you can arrange it, have your celebrant juice the lemon, so its scent works for you as well.
Bitter: Sometimes life is challenging and the results are difficult to accept. Loving marriage can help us withstand those painful moments. Taste: Vinegar. Isn't it interesting that the scent of vinegar can be used to revive someone. We recoil from the harshness of life, but it does make us feel alive.
Hot: Life is passionate and sometimes a bit more fiery than we're ready for. And there's no one who can make us more crazy - in love and in anger - than our sweetie beloved! Taste: Cayenne pepper. Just touch a little to your tongue.
Sweet: The goal is that we will work to keep love and marriage sweet enough so that the last taste in our mouth (and in our hearts) is always sweetness. Taste: Honey. Honey is an interesting sweetener because it also heals. It's interesting to consider how the sweetness between us can heal.
I would add to this ritual a glass of fresh water. Or even a glass of water seasoned with all these tastes. Don't know whether you noticed, but these are exactly the ingredients that you put into an energy drink, commonly given to people who fast. In the right combinations, this is a wonderful drink. (Why not serve it at the wedding as a non-alcoholic option?) And that's the truth. In the right proportions all of these things make a wonderful drink and a wonderful life. Too much sweetness is cloying. To much bitterness wears you down. Either too much tartness and too much fire can separate you. But in balance and in succession, they will enrich your lives and your marriage.
You just might want to keep a jug of this in your refrigerator as tonic for life. Don't drink it without thinking about what you're doing. Extra marriage points if you use the same jug in your refrigerator that you had on your wedding altar.
www.ezinearticles.com
Monday, November 30, 2009
Love and Marriage, 6 Tips - 90% of Couples Aren't Compatible Enough
Many generations ago, marriage was about survival, property, money, securing family dynasties, and pragmatism, not love or sexual intimacy. Marriage remained popular largely because of the stigma attached to sex outside of marriage.
Now "love" is the main reason given for tying the knot, but do most couples share enough compatibility, including chemistry, to spend the rest of their lives together?
After over 25 years of empirical research involving relationships, spirituality, matchmaking, and personality and compatibility assessment, we've found that most couples don't.
True Compatibility is Very Rare
Initially, it can be difficult to perceive a new relationship clearly, as the illusion of romantic love can cloud judgment. Most who plan to get married think they're a great match, but having life-long, true compatibility including mutual chemistry and mutual physical and sexual attraction is very rare, even among couples that appear to have the perfect relationship.
Then you must consider the fact that people evolve (or regress) at various rates, which commonly pulls a couple apart over the course of their lives.
When evaluating someone's personality, we discern an individual's strengths and challenges. Mix in their unique timing, the compatibility assessments, and idiosyncrasies (physical and, or habitual) that repel instead of attract a potential match, and the level of genuine harmony concerning two people is brought to light.
We've found that most couples, especially when the relationship begins in their teens or 20s, lack the long-term mutual compatibility that is needed for a life-long, happy relationship. We estimate that 90% or more of couples don't even come close to the more desirable, higher levels of compatibility, including great chemistry.
What about sacrifice, you say? If you love someone, shouldn't you be willing to sacrifice? Only to a point, as being a martyr isn't healthy. While it might be considered noble, and certainly a good relationship is worth some sacrifice, too much will make you die inside over time.
So What do You do?
Are you supposed to just stay single or unhappily involved for the rest of your life?
It's Not Your Fault
If you've read the best-selling self-help books and, or attended the popular seminars but you're still not living the love life you think you should be, the so-called relationship experts aren't telling you the whole story. It's their fault. We show you what they are hiding, or don't even know!
It's Not For Everyone
Our recommendations and advice are not for those who insist on viewing all the romantic myths and illusions (see the next column in two weeks for more information) as truth and refuse to face the reality of relationships. You will benefit from what we have to share if you are willing to look at your love life from a different vantage point.
Some of the following suggestions may sound overly-simplistic, but you'd be surprised how few people follow them on a regular basis. Some may seem out of the ordinary, but since our society's relationship customs aren't working out so well, we urge you to consider them.
6 Tips for a Better Love life
1) Be realistic. It's okay to want the experience of love and romance and even the fantasy of the ideal relationship. But it's better to allow each possible relationship to unfold naturally and be what it is meant to be. Try not to project your wishes and expectations onto someone.
2) Don't look for someone to fulfill your every need or expect this from a partner. Each person you become involved with entails different reasons and lessons, often unknown to you in the beginning. With the right direction, you can see your potential matches more clearly from the start. Don't expect your partner to be there for you mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually at all times, because they may not be capable of it and it's not your right to demand this. Developing friendships outside of your relationship and self-reliance will help solve this common problem.
3) Try to enjoy each other with no expectations. If you feel insecure about doing this without a "commitment," you may want to reexamine why, if your reasons are still valid, and how you might be able to overcome your fears.
4) Do as much as you can to work through relationship problems, but also accept that most relationships are not meant to last a lifetime, as evidenced by our long-term findings, the high divorce rates, and the multitudes who remain unhappily married.
5) If you insist on marriage, make sure you share compatibility including mutual chemistry that you suspect is strong enough to last for the rest of your life (be honest with yourself about this). Waiting at least a few years before getting married is a good idea to ensure that you're not confusing compatibility, including chemistry, with romantic illusion. Comprehensive numerology, astrology, and handwriting analysis with an experienced practitioner are great tools to define your levels of compatibility.
6) If you're already married or involved in a marriage-like relationship and you're both truly happy (not just content), you should feel very grateful. If one or both of you are unhappy, consider the restrictions and demands of your legally-binding agreement that may be at the root of this, and investigate ways to improve your bond, such as therapy. Accepting each other as you are (not as you think they should be) and the relationship as it is will also help. If you've done all that you can and feel it's time to move on, it may be.
www.ezineaarticles.com
Now "love" is the main reason given for tying the knot, but do most couples share enough compatibility, including chemistry, to spend the rest of their lives together?
After over 25 years of empirical research involving relationships, spirituality, matchmaking, and personality and compatibility assessment, we've found that most couples don't.
True Compatibility is Very Rare
Initially, it can be difficult to perceive a new relationship clearly, as the illusion of romantic love can cloud judgment. Most who plan to get married think they're a great match, but having life-long, true compatibility including mutual chemistry and mutual physical and sexual attraction is very rare, even among couples that appear to have the perfect relationship.
Then you must consider the fact that people evolve (or regress) at various rates, which commonly pulls a couple apart over the course of their lives.
When evaluating someone's personality, we discern an individual's strengths and challenges. Mix in their unique timing, the compatibility assessments, and idiosyncrasies (physical and, or habitual) that repel instead of attract a potential match, and the level of genuine harmony concerning two people is brought to light.
We've found that most couples, especially when the relationship begins in their teens or 20s, lack the long-term mutual compatibility that is needed for a life-long, happy relationship. We estimate that 90% or more of couples don't even come close to the more desirable, higher levels of compatibility, including great chemistry.
What about sacrifice, you say? If you love someone, shouldn't you be willing to sacrifice? Only to a point, as being a martyr isn't healthy. While it might be considered noble, and certainly a good relationship is worth some sacrifice, too much will make you die inside over time.
So What do You do?
Are you supposed to just stay single or unhappily involved for the rest of your life?
It's Not Your Fault
If you've read the best-selling self-help books and, or attended the popular seminars but you're still not living the love life you think you should be, the so-called relationship experts aren't telling you the whole story. It's their fault. We show you what they are hiding, or don't even know!
It's Not For Everyone
Our recommendations and advice are not for those who insist on viewing all the romantic myths and illusions (see the next column in two weeks for more information) as truth and refuse to face the reality of relationships. You will benefit from what we have to share if you are willing to look at your love life from a different vantage point.
Some of the following suggestions may sound overly-simplistic, but you'd be surprised how few people follow them on a regular basis. Some may seem out of the ordinary, but since our society's relationship customs aren't working out so well, we urge you to consider them.
6 Tips for a Better Love life
1) Be realistic. It's okay to want the experience of love and romance and even the fantasy of the ideal relationship. But it's better to allow each possible relationship to unfold naturally and be what it is meant to be. Try not to project your wishes and expectations onto someone.
2) Don't look for someone to fulfill your every need or expect this from a partner. Each person you become involved with entails different reasons and lessons, often unknown to you in the beginning. With the right direction, you can see your potential matches more clearly from the start. Don't expect your partner to be there for you mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually at all times, because they may not be capable of it and it's not your right to demand this. Developing friendships outside of your relationship and self-reliance will help solve this common problem.
3) Try to enjoy each other with no expectations. If you feel insecure about doing this without a "commitment," you may want to reexamine why, if your reasons are still valid, and how you might be able to overcome your fears.
4) Do as much as you can to work through relationship problems, but also accept that most relationships are not meant to last a lifetime, as evidenced by our long-term findings, the high divorce rates, and the multitudes who remain unhappily married.
5) If you insist on marriage, make sure you share compatibility including mutual chemistry that you suspect is strong enough to last for the rest of your life (be honest with yourself about this). Waiting at least a few years before getting married is a good idea to ensure that you're not confusing compatibility, including chemistry, with romantic illusion. Comprehensive numerology, astrology, and handwriting analysis with an experienced practitioner are great tools to define your levels of compatibility.
6) If you're already married or involved in a marriage-like relationship and you're both truly happy (not just content), you should feel very grateful. If one or both of you are unhappy, consider the restrictions and demands of your legally-binding agreement that may be at the root of this, and investigate ways to improve your bond, such as therapy. Accepting each other as you are (not as you think they should be) and the relationship as it is will also help. If you've done all that you can and feel it's time to move on, it may be.
www.ezineaarticles.com
Thursday, November 26, 2009
The Secret to a Truly Successful Marriage
In this article I am about to reveal what is arguably the #1 most significant secret to a fulfilling and a happy and successful marriage.
First of all, let us define successful. Some consider that a couple that remains married for a long period as having a "successful" marriage. That is far far from the truth. The fact is that many, many couples remain married for the very same reasons that many, many couples get married in the first place... FEAR. That's right, fear of separation. Fear of starting over again. Fear of failure. Fear of the unknown. Fear of finding someone else. Fear of not having the security of knowing that somebody is there in their life (rather they're fulfilled or not). Fear of being yet another divorce statistic. Fear of breaking the marriage vows of staying together "till death do us part".
So just because a couple may have been married for 31 years that does NOT mean that they have a "successful" marriage.
Success at anything can best be defined by a fulfillment of ones goals. For example if a person says that they're goal is to run in the next marathon, and they actually run in it then they have succeeded (rather they actually complete the entire run or not). It was still an admiral goal they set and they did run in it and they should be proud of their success. It is something the vast majority of other people would NEVER do.
If another says that their goal is to complete the marathon race and they actually complete it then they were a success. They were successful at completing their goal.
If another says that their goal is to win the next marathon, they will only have succeeded if they actually WIN it. There is only one winner. To succeed, they have to come in first place. If they come in second place then they achieved something admiral... but they did NOT succeed. Again... success is the fulfillment of one's goal and purpose.
Nobody get's married with a goal of staying married. They're goal is to have a happy and fulfilling life with this other person. The only successful marriages are those where both in the relationship are happy, content and fulfilled. A couple who has been miserably married for 20 years is NOT an example of a successful marriage just because neither has the gumption to get out of the hell which has become their married life, (sometimes since before the honeymoon).
So this report is not about how to stay in a bad marriage (and remain miserable, depressed, unfilled and oftentimes...unfaithful). NO, this is about the SECRET to a happy and fulfilled and therefore successful marriage.
This secret is so simple and yet so obvious that many of you may be disappointed in it's simplicity. It is nothing profound and yet ...it is profoundly simple and true.
Many couples go to marriage counselors and couples therapy trying to fix bad or even ruined and irreparable marriages. For those couples this secret isn't going to help them much. They should have learned this secret a long time ago... before they even got married.
You see, it's extremely difficult to put something back together that was never quite together to begin with. Often, it was broken from the onset and now you want to fix it.
There are many reasons that people get married:
* Desperation
* Insecurities
* Need
* Greed
* Free sex
* Want kids
* AIDS
* Lonely
* Want stability
* Getting older... "Don't want to grow old alone."
* Pregnancy "It's for the kids"
All of the reasons above, 100% of them are BAD reasons to get married.
It is astounding to see the foolish thinking that is prevalent today. There are many people, once they make up their mind that they want to get married will then marry the first person who stumbles across their path and is equally determined and equally desperate. Often they set their standard so low it's as if the only qualification is a 'willingness' to "commit".
Having said all of that I will now reveal to you THE SECRET to a successful marriage. It far surpasses anything else you will ever hear or learn about this subject. THE SECRET is this... ((drum roll please)) ...MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON!
That's it folks. THAT is the "secret", Marry the Right person in the first place... and everything else can work itself out!
The "right" person means the RIGHT person for you. And it is critical that you know that they are the right person for you ONLY if you also are the right person for them.
Fellas' you may have a picture in your mind and an image of the girl of your dreams but you must also be the man of her dreams ...or that dream may turn into a nightmare. Same for the ladies, the man whom you envision as your knight in shining amour must also see you as his Queen.
Marriage is really not that difficult at all if you followed this secret to begin with. If you marry the right person you don't have to spend your entire relationship trying to make that person into whom you want or need them to be.
If you're single then I say ...hold out for the right person. Do not compromise on it. Set your standards high and do not deviate from them.
But I also must say that a problem with many marriages is that people only look for what they want and what and who they envision as being the right type of person for them. You must also consider that you must also be what that other person really and truly wants also. Many marriages fail because this is neglected.
Fella's, you want a younger, sexy, beautiful woman? That's fine...but your primary requirement must be that she...in spite of the fact that she has numerous options and will always be hit on almost daily if she's really truly "hot"...will be content with YOU. If not... then she is NOT the right person... even if you can get her to marry you.
You women who want a guy who is popular, rich, famous... that's your right to desire that. But you'd better make sure that you are what he really and truly wants as well.
You want him for his popularity, wealth and fame? Well women like you are a dime a dozen. There is no scarcity there, he can replace you in a heartbeat.
If you're truly serious then take a look down the road.... consider the future. If they are the right person for you but will not be the right person for you down the road... and you know it, then they are NOT the right person for you and you are not the right person for them. Do not use marriage to fulfill your temporary needs. Look for Mr. Or Mrs Right ...not for Mr. Or Mrs Right Now.
This article is only for people that are serious about love and marriage. All the game players and people that just want to use the institution of marriage to fulfill your ulterior motives... I have nothing to say to you at all other than... I wish you the worst. To the rest... the sincere folk, good luck! But rather you're looking for true love or just want to have fun there is truly nothing like using chat rooms to find exactly the type person that is perfectly suited for you... and most people are just missing out on the opportunities here because nobody has ever shown them how to use chat rooms to find your true love online.
www.ezinearticles.com
First of all, let us define successful. Some consider that a couple that remains married for a long period as having a "successful" marriage. That is far far from the truth. The fact is that many, many couples remain married for the very same reasons that many, many couples get married in the first place... FEAR. That's right, fear of separation. Fear of starting over again. Fear of failure. Fear of the unknown. Fear of finding someone else. Fear of not having the security of knowing that somebody is there in their life (rather they're fulfilled or not). Fear of being yet another divorce statistic. Fear of breaking the marriage vows of staying together "till death do us part".
So just because a couple may have been married for 31 years that does NOT mean that they have a "successful" marriage.
Success at anything can best be defined by a fulfillment of ones goals. For example if a person says that they're goal is to run in the next marathon, and they actually run in it then they have succeeded (rather they actually complete the entire run or not). It was still an admiral goal they set and they did run in it and they should be proud of their success. It is something the vast majority of other people would NEVER do.
If another says that their goal is to complete the marathon race and they actually complete it then they were a success. They were successful at completing their goal.
If another says that their goal is to win the next marathon, they will only have succeeded if they actually WIN it. There is only one winner. To succeed, they have to come in first place. If they come in second place then they achieved something admiral... but they did NOT succeed. Again... success is the fulfillment of one's goal and purpose.
Nobody get's married with a goal of staying married. They're goal is to have a happy and fulfilling life with this other person. The only successful marriages are those where both in the relationship are happy, content and fulfilled. A couple who has been miserably married for 20 years is NOT an example of a successful marriage just because neither has the gumption to get out of the hell which has become their married life, (sometimes since before the honeymoon).
So this report is not about how to stay in a bad marriage (and remain miserable, depressed, unfilled and oftentimes...unfaithful). NO, this is about the SECRET to a happy and fulfilled and therefore successful marriage.
This secret is so simple and yet so obvious that many of you may be disappointed in it's simplicity. It is nothing profound and yet ...it is profoundly simple and true.
Many couples go to marriage counselors and couples therapy trying to fix bad or even ruined and irreparable marriages. For those couples this secret isn't going to help them much. They should have learned this secret a long time ago... before they even got married.
You see, it's extremely difficult to put something back together that was never quite together to begin with. Often, it was broken from the onset and now you want to fix it.
There are many reasons that people get married:
* Desperation
* Insecurities
* Need
* Greed
* Free sex
* Want kids
* AIDS
* Lonely
* Want stability
* Getting older... "Don't want to grow old alone."
* Pregnancy "It's for the kids"
All of the reasons above, 100% of them are BAD reasons to get married.
It is astounding to see the foolish thinking that is prevalent today. There are many people, once they make up their mind that they want to get married will then marry the first person who stumbles across their path and is equally determined and equally desperate. Often they set their standard so low it's as if the only qualification is a 'willingness' to "commit".
Having said all of that I will now reveal to you THE SECRET to a successful marriage. It far surpasses anything else you will ever hear or learn about this subject. THE SECRET is this... ((drum roll please)) ...MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON!
That's it folks. THAT is the "secret", Marry the Right person in the first place... and everything else can work itself out!
The "right" person means the RIGHT person for you. And it is critical that you know that they are the right person for you ONLY if you also are the right person for them.
Fellas' you may have a picture in your mind and an image of the girl of your dreams but you must also be the man of her dreams ...or that dream may turn into a nightmare. Same for the ladies, the man whom you envision as your knight in shining amour must also see you as his Queen.
Marriage is really not that difficult at all if you followed this secret to begin with. If you marry the right person you don't have to spend your entire relationship trying to make that person into whom you want or need them to be.
If you're single then I say ...hold out for the right person. Do not compromise on it. Set your standards high and do not deviate from them.
But I also must say that a problem with many marriages is that people only look for what they want and what and who they envision as being the right type of person for them. You must also consider that you must also be what that other person really and truly wants also. Many marriages fail because this is neglected.
Fella's, you want a younger, sexy, beautiful woman? That's fine...but your primary requirement must be that she...in spite of the fact that she has numerous options and will always be hit on almost daily if she's really truly "hot"...will be content with YOU. If not... then she is NOT the right person... even if you can get her to marry you.
You women who want a guy who is popular, rich, famous... that's your right to desire that. But you'd better make sure that you are what he really and truly wants as well.
You want him for his popularity, wealth and fame? Well women like you are a dime a dozen. There is no scarcity there, he can replace you in a heartbeat.
If you're truly serious then take a look down the road.... consider the future. If they are the right person for you but will not be the right person for you down the road... and you know it, then they are NOT the right person for you and you are not the right person for them. Do not use marriage to fulfill your temporary needs. Look for Mr. Or Mrs Right ...not for Mr. Or Mrs Right Now.
This article is only for people that are serious about love and marriage. All the game players and people that just want to use the institution of marriage to fulfill your ulterior motives... I have nothing to say to you at all other than... I wish you the worst. To the rest... the sincere folk, good luck! But rather you're looking for true love or just want to have fun there is truly nothing like using chat rooms to find exactly the type person that is perfectly suited for you... and most people are just missing out on the opportunities here because nobody has ever shown them how to use chat rooms to find your true love online.
www.ezinearticles.com
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Can We Just Get Along and Stay Married?
If you've been married, you're quite familiar with these words, "To have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part." Or you may have been creative and wrote your own wedding vows. How long do these words last in our marriages? For me, two years and I was divorced. I thought, when I get married, I would be married for the rest of my life. I can remember during our engagement, we talked about being together in our nineties and still walking with each other. We couldn't wait to be married. Then, why am I divorced? Why are you divorced? Why don't marriages last? And, how many of us actually go into a marriage thinking we are going to get a divorce?
The questions are many, but the results are the same. Divorces are rampant in our society and marriages are becoming obsolete. Research has shown that the divorce rates are higher in European or American countries, where individual freedom is given higher stress, than in, say, Asian or African ones, where familial and social opinions cause higher stress. I can remember when being divorce was taboo and people got married and stayed together for better or for worse. Society frowned on divorce and the traditional families were intact. Since my parents were divorce for as long as I can remember, I thought that I would never get a divorce and beat the odds. I too frowned on divorces. However, as mentioned above, I make up the 51% of first marriages ending in divorce and many of my family and friends join me in this category, unfortunately. Then why aren't marriages working and why aren't we taking our vows seriously?
Could one reason be that there are many complex relationships in today's society? I did a radio show recently on relationships. My producer researched the subject and some of the relationship dynamics she discovered were men and women in relationships are cohabiting, same sex marriages, step parenting, and individuals opting to have a baby without being married for example. I was astonished when Halle Berry said on national television on the Oprah Winfrey Show that she wanted to have a baby but not get married. Years later, that's exactly what she did.
Centuries ago, the Romans had an interesting view towards marriage. They thought that marriages out to be free and either spouse could opt out of the marriage if things weren't going as they planned. Based on divorce courts and the current divorce rate and statistics, we are adopting the Roman's view towards marriage. Marriages are dissolved as easy as for "Irreconcilable Differences." Even though many books are written on dating, relationships, and strengthening marriages, people are breaking wedding vows for different reasons. When men and women can begin to understand each other and communicate with each other, we can live happily, build meaningful relationships and stay married. What a wonderful world that will be! I'm willing to try, are you?
There are many different but common reasons for divorces such as lack of communication, financial problems, and abuse; however, none of them seem common to the people going through a divorce. Regardless of the reasons, men and women must find a way to keep marriages healthy and working. I want to take that step again and get married. This time, I want to defy the odds that 67% of second marriages end in a divorce. I want to learn from my first marriage and have a second change for love and marriage. I'm ready, are you?
www.ezinearticles.com
The questions are many, but the results are the same. Divorces are rampant in our society and marriages are becoming obsolete. Research has shown that the divorce rates are higher in European or American countries, where individual freedom is given higher stress, than in, say, Asian or African ones, where familial and social opinions cause higher stress. I can remember when being divorce was taboo and people got married and stayed together for better or for worse. Society frowned on divorce and the traditional families were intact. Since my parents were divorce for as long as I can remember, I thought that I would never get a divorce and beat the odds. I too frowned on divorces. However, as mentioned above, I make up the 51% of first marriages ending in divorce and many of my family and friends join me in this category, unfortunately. Then why aren't marriages working and why aren't we taking our vows seriously?
Could one reason be that there are many complex relationships in today's society? I did a radio show recently on relationships. My producer researched the subject and some of the relationship dynamics she discovered were men and women in relationships are cohabiting, same sex marriages, step parenting, and individuals opting to have a baby without being married for example. I was astonished when Halle Berry said on national television on the Oprah Winfrey Show that she wanted to have a baby but not get married. Years later, that's exactly what she did.
Centuries ago, the Romans had an interesting view towards marriage. They thought that marriages out to be free and either spouse could opt out of the marriage if things weren't going as they planned. Based on divorce courts and the current divorce rate and statistics, we are adopting the Roman's view towards marriage. Marriages are dissolved as easy as for "Irreconcilable Differences." Even though many books are written on dating, relationships, and strengthening marriages, people are breaking wedding vows for different reasons. When men and women can begin to understand each other and communicate with each other, we can live happily, build meaningful relationships and stay married. What a wonderful world that will be! I'm willing to try, are you?
There are many different but common reasons for divorces such as lack of communication, financial problems, and abuse; however, none of them seem common to the people going through a divorce. Regardless of the reasons, men and women must find a way to keep marriages healthy and working. I want to take that step again and get married. This time, I want to defy the odds that 67% of second marriages end in a divorce. I want to learn from my first marriage and have a second change for love and marriage. I'm ready, are you?
www.ezinearticles.com
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Catch a Cheating Spouse - Don't Be Blind Because of Love and Let Someone Else Take Your Place
There's something very strange about the chemistry of love. People fall in love only to break up because their partner cheated on them. It's such a shame to see not only boyfriends and girlfriends falling apart; but to see husbands and wives doing the same.
Gone are the days when people can trust their mates blindly because the world is becoming a more and more twisted place to live in. There's no denying the fact that adulterous involvement of typical husbands and wives is increasing at an alarming rate. The point I'm trying to focus on here is to not let anyone take the advantage of your love even if it's your most beloved spouse. If you feel something weird in their activities then keep your eyes wide open and take all the precautions needed.
You can simply start from checking their computer, work schedule, or even give them a surprise visit to their work place to look for anything suspicious. However, the better and secretive option is to check your spouse's cell phone when you have the opportunity to do so without them knowing about it. Then look for any suspicious phone numbers and write them down.
Once you are done then you are going to use a reliable reverse cell phone service. Just forward the phone number to the providers and you will get the results quickly. The experts will take a minute to provide you with detailed information about the owner of that phone number. Such as full name, address, etc. By the way the service fee is very reasonable considering the privileges it provides.
www.ezinearticles.com
Gone are the days when people can trust their mates blindly because the world is becoming a more and more twisted place to live in. There's no denying the fact that adulterous involvement of typical husbands and wives is increasing at an alarming rate. The point I'm trying to focus on here is to not let anyone take the advantage of your love even if it's your most beloved spouse. If you feel something weird in their activities then keep your eyes wide open and take all the precautions needed.
You can simply start from checking their computer, work schedule, or even give them a surprise visit to their work place to look for anything suspicious. However, the better and secretive option is to check your spouse's cell phone when you have the opportunity to do so without them knowing about it. Then look for any suspicious phone numbers and write them down.
Once you are done then you are going to use a reliable reverse cell phone service. Just forward the phone number to the providers and you will get the results quickly. The experts will take a minute to provide you with detailed information about the owner of that phone number. Such as full name, address, etc. By the way the service fee is very reasonable considering the privileges it provides.
www.ezinearticles.com
Monday, November 16, 2009
Falling in Love, Being in Love and Expressing Love
As a Psychologist and Marriage Counselor I have repeatedly seen the difference between falling in love and being in love. It is almost as if falling in love happens to us. In fact, physiological studies have shown that many neurochemicals and hormones are released during the falling in love phase. This physiological process actually narrows an individual's awareness. While over stated, the old saying "love is blind" is not so far from the truth. Especially if you are referring to falling in love.
Being in love is a bit different. It follows the seemingly nonstop intense fireworks of falling in love. The blinders come off. This is when love can be looked at more as a choice. Something that requires more purposeful intention.
A number of years ago I came across the work of Dr. Gary Chapman. He speaks of love languages. In fact, he identifies five:
1) words of affirmation,
2) acts of service,
3) quality time,
4) physical touch, and
5) receiving gifts.
I would contend that all of these expressions of love are important in a relationship. However, typically one can be the "golden key" that unlocks feelings of love in your partner.
Early in a relationship we likely don't figure out what are partner's primary love language is. This is because in the falling in love phase we likely do them all. As a relationship moves into the being in love phase we likely fall into our own language. If I am a word guy, I may say "I love you", "I love you", "I love you". It won't unlock the deepest experience of being loved if it does not match my partner's primary love language.
The Challenge
I challenge you to make your relationship a priority. If you are having challenges in your relationship, it may be due in part to speaking the wrong language.
You may be asking yourself, "How can I figure out my partner's love language?". Great question! I am glad you asked. I'll identify two ways. The first is to listen to the criticism given to you by your partner. If you hear "You are never home" -- you got it -- Time is it. You can also conduct experiments. Do all of them over a period of time and pay attention to the results.
www.ezinearticles.com
Being in love is a bit different. It follows the seemingly nonstop intense fireworks of falling in love. The blinders come off. This is when love can be looked at more as a choice. Something that requires more purposeful intention.
A number of years ago I came across the work of Dr. Gary Chapman. He speaks of love languages. In fact, he identifies five:
1) words of affirmation,
2) acts of service,
3) quality time,
4) physical touch, and
5) receiving gifts.
I would contend that all of these expressions of love are important in a relationship. However, typically one can be the "golden key" that unlocks feelings of love in your partner.
Early in a relationship we likely don't figure out what are partner's primary love language is. This is because in the falling in love phase we likely do them all. As a relationship moves into the being in love phase we likely fall into our own language. If I am a word guy, I may say "I love you", "I love you", "I love you". It won't unlock the deepest experience of being loved if it does not match my partner's primary love language.
The Challenge
I challenge you to make your relationship a priority. If you are having challenges in your relationship, it may be due in part to speaking the wrong language.
You may be asking yourself, "How can I figure out my partner's love language?". Great question! I am glad you asked. I'll identify two ways. The first is to listen to the criticism given to you by your partner. If you hear "You are never home" -- you got it -- Time is it. You can also conduct experiments. Do all of them over a period of time and pay attention to the results.
www.ezinearticles.com
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
alling in Love, Being in Love and Expressing Love
As a Psychologist and Marriage Counselor I have repeatedly seen the difference between falling in love and being in love. It is almost as if falling in love happens to us. In fact, physiological studies have shown that many neurochemicals and hormones are released during the falling in love phase. This physiological process actually narrows an individual's awareness. While over stated, the old saying "love is blind" is not so far from the truth. Especially if you are referring to falling in love.
Being in love is a bit different. It follows the seemingly nonstop intense fireworks of falling in love. The blinders come off. This is when love can be looked at more as a choice. Something that requires more purposeful intention.
A number of years ago I came across the work of Dr. Gary Chapman. He speaks of love languages. In fact, he identifies five:
1) words of affirmation,
2) acts of service,
3) quality time,
4) physical touch, and
5) receiving gifts.
I would contend that all of these expressions of love are important in a relationship. However, typically one can be the "golden key" that unlocks feelings of love in your partner.
Early in a relationship we likely don't figure out what are partner's primary love language is. This is because in the falling in love phase we likely do them all. As a relationship moves into the being in love phase we likely fall into our own language. If I am a word guy, I may say "I love you", "I love you", "I love you". It won't unlock the deepest experience of being loved if it does not match my partner's primary love language.
The Challenge
I challenge you to make your relationship a priority. If you are having challenges in your relationship, it may be due in part to speaking the wrong language.
You may be asking yourself, "How can I figure out my partner's love language?". Great question! I am glad you asked. I'll identify two ways. The first is to listen to the criticism given to you by your partner. If you hear "You are never home" -- you got it -- Time is it. You can also conduct experiments. Do all of them over a period of time and pay attention to the results.
Remember, the best way to get love is to give love. However, make sure you're speaking the right language.
www.ezinearticles.com
Being in love is a bit different. It follows the seemingly nonstop intense fireworks of falling in love. The blinders come off. This is when love can be looked at more as a choice. Something that requires more purposeful intention.
A number of years ago I came across the work of Dr. Gary Chapman. He speaks of love languages. In fact, he identifies five:
1) words of affirmation,
2) acts of service,
3) quality time,
4) physical touch, and
5) receiving gifts.
I would contend that all of these expressions of love are important in a relationship. However, typically one can be the "golden key" that unlocks feelings of love in your partner.
Early in a relationship we likely don't figure out what are partner's primary love language is. This is because in the falling in love phase we likely do them all. As a relationship moves into the being in love phase we likely fall into our own language. If I am a word guy, I may say "I love you", "I love you", "I love you". It won't unlock the deepest experience of being loved if it does not match my partner's primary love language.
The Challenge
I challenge you to make your relationship a priority. If you are having challenges in your relationship, it may be due in part to speaking the wrong language.
You may be asking yourself, "How can I figure out my partner's love language?". Great question! I am glad you asked. I'll identify two ways. The first is to listen to the criticism given to you by your partner. If you hear "You are never home" -- you got it -- Time is it. You can also conduct experiments. Do all of them over a period of time and pay attention to the results.
Remember, the best way to get love is to give love. However, make sure you're speaking the right language.
www.ezinearticles.com
The Zahir - A Story of Love and Realization
The Zahir" meaning 'the present' or 'unable to go unnoticed' is one of the best works of Coelho. The novel has both spiritual and philosophical touch to it. Its about this man, the protagonist and his quest for discovering his own self. It centers on the narrator-a best-selling novelist's search for his wife.
Having enjoyed all the privileges that a man can, thanks to money and his celebrity-hood, he realizes that his life is now confronted with some of the most unpredictable questions. Esther, his wife for ten years has disappeared from their home and immediately he is suspected of foul play by the authorities and the press. Unable to comprehend Esther's inexplicable disappearance, he is forced to re-examine both his marital relationship and his own life.
The narrator has questions aplenty which have no answer. Was Esther kidnapped or did she decide to part ways with him after having a failed marriage? Eventually, his only link in Esther's disappearance is Mikhail, his wife's friend. Then the narrator starts his journey- his quest to find out his wife. Like Coelho's other stories, this one too focuses on journey. During this journey, he discovers a lot about life and love and its various faces.
It is then that he realizes about his obsession for his wife, rather than his love. All this does make him a much more enlightened human being who is continually traveling in the pursuit of his dreams. Man can fulfill his own dreams and destroy them too. That's exactly what the author tries to and in fact, successfully portrays in this beautiful novel of human emotions and continuous enlightenment of an individual. The narrator understands the worth of what he had long taken for granted only after losing it to time and is left without an answer to his questions.
www.ezinearticles.com
Having enjoyed all the privileges that a man can, thanks to money and his celebrity-hood, he realizes that his life is now confronted with some of the most unpredictable questions. Esther, his wife for ten years has disappeared from their home and immediately he is suspected of foul play by the authorities and the press. Unable to comprehend Esther's inexplicable disappearance, he is forced to re-examine both his marital relationship and his own life.
The narrator has questions aplenty which have no answer. Was Esther kidnapped or did she decide to part ways with him after having a failed marriage? Eventually, his only link in Esther's disappearance is Mikhail, his wife's friend. Then the narrator starts his journey- his quest to find out his wife. Like Coelho's other stories, this one too focuses on journey. During this journey, he discovers a lot about life and love and its various faces.
It is then that he realizes about his obsession for his wife, rather than his love. All this does make him a much more enlightened human being who is continually traveling in the pursuit of his dreams. Man can fulfill his own dreams and destroy them too. That's exactly what the author tries to and in fact, successfully portrays in this beautiful novel of human emotions and continuous enlightenment of an individual. The narrator understands the worth of what he had long taken for granted only after losing it to time and is left without an answer to his questions.
www.ezinearticles.com
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