As a Psychologist and Marriage Counselor I have repeatedly seen the difference between falling in love and being in love. It is almost as if falling in love happens to us. In fact, physiological studies have shown that many neurochemicals and hormones are released during the falling in love phase. This physiological process actually narrows an individual's awareness. While over stated, the old saying "love is blind" is not so far from the truth. Especially if you are referring to falling in love.
Being in love is a bit different. It follows the seemingly nonstop intense fireworks of falling in love. The blinders come off. This is when love can be looked at more as a choice. Something that requires more purposeful intention.
A number of years ago I came across the work of Dr. Gary Chapman. He speaks of love languages. In fact, he identifies five:
1) words of affirmation,
2) acts of service,
3) quality time,
4) physical touch, and
5) receiving gifts.
I would contend that all of these expressions of love are important in a relationship. However, typically one can be the "golden key" that unlocks feelings of love in your partner.
Early in a relationship we likely don't figure out what are partner's primary love language is. This is because in the falling in love phase we likely do them all. As a relationship moves into the being in love phase we likely fall into our own language. If I am a word guy, I may say "I love you", "I love you", "I love you". It won't unlock the deepest experience of being loved if it does not match my partner's primary love language.
The Challenge
I challenge you to make your relationship a priority. If you are having challenges in your relationship, it may be due in part to speaking the wrong language.
You may be asking yourself, "How can I figure out my partner's love language?". Great question! I am glad you asked. I'll identify two ways. The first is to listen to the criticism given to you by your partner. If you hear "You are never home" -- you got it -- Time is it. You can also conduct experiments. Do all of them over a period of time and pay attention to the results.
Remember, the best way to get love is to give love. However, make sure you're speaking the right language.
www.ezinearticles.com
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
The Zahir - A Story of Love and Realization
The Zahir" meaning 'the present' or 'unable to go unnoticed' is one of the best works of Coelho. The novel has both spiritual and philosophical touch to it. Its about this man, the protagonist and his quest for discovering his own self. It centers on the narrator-a best-selling novelist's search for his wife.
Having enjoyed all the privileges that a man can, thanks to money and his celebrity-hood, he realizes that his life is now confronted with some of the most unpredictable questions. Esther, his wife for ten years has disappeared from their home and immediately he is suspected of foul play by the authorities and the press. Unable to comprehend Esther's inexplicable disappearance, he is forced to re-examine both his marital relationship and his own life.
The narrator has questions aplenty which have no answer. Was Esther kidnapped or did she decide to part ways with him after having a failed marriage? Eventually, his only link in Esther's disappearance is Mikhail, his wife's friend. Then the narrator starts his journey- his quest to find out his wife. Like Coelho's other stories, this one too focuses on journey. During this journey, he discovers a lot about life and love and its various faces.
It is then that he realizes about his obsession for his wife, rather than his love. All this does make him a much more enlightened human being who is continually traveling in the pursuit of his dreams. Man can fulfill his own dreams and destroy them too. That's exactly what the author tries to and in fact, successfully portrays in this beautiful novel of human emotions and continuous enlightenment of an individual. The narrator understands the worth of what he had long taken for granted only after losing it to time and is left without an answer to his questions.
www.ezinearticles.com
Having enjoyed all the privileges that a man can, thanks to money and his celebrity-hood, he realizes that his life is now confronted with some of the most unpredictable questions. Esther, his wife for ten years has disappeared from their home and immediately he is suspected of foul play by the authorities and the press. Unable to comprehend Esther's inexplicable disappearance, he is forced to re-examine both his marital relationship and his own life.
The narrator has questions aplenty which have no answer. Was Esther kidnapped or did she decide to part ways with him after having a failed marriage? Eventually, his only link in Esther's disappearance is Mikhail, his wife's friend. Then the narrator starts his journey- his quest to find out his wife. Like Coelho's other stories, this one too focuses on journey. During this journey, he discovers a lot about life and love and its various faces.
It is then that he realizes about his obsession for his wife, rather than his love. All this does make him a much more enlightened human being who is continually traveling in the pursuit of his dreams. Man can fulfill his own dreams and destroy them too. That's exactly what the author tries to and in fact, successfully portrays in this beautiful novel of human emotions and continuous enlightenment of an individual. The narrator understands the worth of what he had long taken for granted only after losing it to time and is left without an answer to his questions.
www.ezinearticles.com
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