No one said that marriage was going to be easy, and it isn't. However, we somehow seem to think that it will be for us when we first get married. We can beat those odds of 1 out of every 2 marriages ending in divorce because we are in love, and we will live, "happily ever after." Then we get married.
After being married for awhile we realize that we really don't know what we're doing. The only models of marriage we had were our parents and those of our friends. Some of those marriages may have been happy, some were not, so we're left with having to figure out what works and what doesn't. If you're reading this to begin to answer the question, "How do I save my marriage," then you know that most of the time we end up figuring out what DOESN'T work but still have no idea of what does work.
So, I have 3 ways that WILL work to help you transform your marriage and will help you get your marriage back to that "happily ever after" situation you wanted in the first place.
1.) The first is to realize that arguments are based on hurt and resentment.
You need to realize that most of your arguments are coming from hurt and misunderstandings and those areas of hurt are what really need to be addressed to make some major changes in your marriage.
So, for example, if you're arguing about your love life being in a slump. One person says, "We never make love anymore." Making love is not really the main issue. The main issue is that one spouse is hurt because they don't feel attractive or loved anymore. So if you focus on making your partner feel more attractive and loved, you will probably find that this argument goes away pretty quickly.
First of all the word "never" is never true. So to say, "We NEVER make love anymore," probably isn't true. They are really saying, "We don't make love as much as we used to, and that's making me feel unattractive or unloved."
If you can focus on making your partner feel more loved in other ways this argument will most likely go away. Remember, the real issue is that your partner is hurt because they feel like you don't love them or they don't turn you on anymore.
If you understand that the disagreements in your marriage are coming from hurt and resentment, then you can focus on healing those hurts and fixing the real problems that plague your marriage.
2.)The second key in answering the question, "How do I save my marriage," is to not be who you think your spouse wants you to be.
What? I can transform my marriage by not being the person my spouse wants me to be? No, what I'm saying is to not try to be the person you THINK your spouse wants you to be. So many times when a marriage is in trouble, one spouse tries to save it by doing all the things they think their spouse wants them to do Then sadly, they are shocked when they've made all these changes, and their spouse still hands them divorce papers.
Now I'm not saying to not make some changes to who you are, but you need to make them for the right reason. You need to become more loving, caring, understanding, etc., because you want to be a better person, not to try to save your marriage. If your partner has complained to you over the years that you are thoughtless and insensitive because you do such and such, you should try to change those things about yourself in order to make yourself the best person you can be.
If you only try to change because you hope it will save your marriage, your spouse will feel that and resent it because they will feel like they are being played. You need to make some changes that YOU don't like about yourself to become a better person, with no other ulterior motive. Surprisingly, this is going to make you very attractive to your spouse. The transformation this can make is incredible.
3.)The third key in saving your marriage is to love your partner in a way that "feels" like love to them.
This is critical to answering the question, "How do I save my marriage?" Gary Chapman wrote a fantastic book in this area called, The Five Love Languages. In it he talks about how there are 5 different ways that people express and receive love.
1. Affirming Words- this is basically saying sweet and loving things to your partner.
2. Quality Time- this is loving your partner by spending time together.
3. Gifts- this one's kind of obvious, it's loving someone by giving or receiving gifts.
4. Acts Of Service- this is loving someone by doing nice things for them, like laundry, cooking meals, cleaning the house, etc.
5. Touch- simply hugging, kissing, holding each other, making love, etc.
Without going into depth on what's covered in this book, the main point made in this book is that oftentimes, we are married to someone who speaks a different "love language" than we do. So, if you mainly see that loving your spouse is done by giving them gifts(Gift Giving), they may see love expressed by spending time together(Quality Time).
So you bring home flowers and candy as a way of saying, "I love you," but it doesn't really seem to change anything in your relationship. That's because you are actually speaking different languages when it comes to love. If you try to learn which of the five love languages your spouse "speaks," start learning to "speak" that love language. Transformation is almost inevitable.
You CAN have a "happily ever after" type of marriage but you have to know how to do it. Let me ask you:
Are you tired of the way your spouse is treating you? Do you feel like you're not being respected, heard or loved by your partner?
Does it seem like you're fighting all the time about things like money and sex? You can't seem to resolve anything and the arguments just linger....?
Has your partner cheated on you? Are you surviving the pain of an affair?
Has your partner already walked out the door?
There is a powerful and proven method that can get your marriage back on track, even if you and your spouse can't communicate about anything! Even if you are the only one who wants to work on it.
Click Here to see the methods that have transformed thousands of marriages now!
Get your spouse to change their attitude... now! This method alone has helped turn around dozens of marriages.
Learn a powerful 4 step formula to stop cheating dead in its tracks.
Fall in love with your partner again, and get them to fall in love with you.
Learn the methods that give you REAL answers and REAL results ... guaranteed.
Click Here and transform your marriage today--- and keep it that way for the rest of your life!
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Dating, Romance, Love and Marriage - The Top Ten Tips for Success
There is no such thing as standards or infallible rules to follow to become successful in handling a relationship. So if you are trying to find the perfect formula for success in relationship you will very much end up in disappointment because "ideal relationship" doesn’t have a formula to follow.
But there are things that you can do in order to help you find success in your relationship. Remember this: the success and failure of the relationship, whether it is on the dating stage or after you have exchanged your vows, depend on how you treat yourself, your partner, and the things that connect you together. Therefore, knowing exactly what to do to make relationship work will give you better chances for success. Here are the top ten tips on how to achieve success to your relationship.
1. Learn to compromise. Many relationships fail for lots of different reasons. One of this is clash of egos. Couples act the way they want to as if there is a power struggle. Women are often submissive to men when it comes to who should take the helm of the relationship. But women decide more on emotion rather than logic. Men on the other hand take control and are more logical when it comes to decision making. Now, relationships tend to be shaken the typical type of command is not applied. Although this "norm" is not and should not be treated as gospel truth, there seems to be a great issue if couples go out of this "norm". The tendency is to have conflict. What couples should do is to learn how to compromise and understand each other to solve what needs to be solved.
2. Be productive. Being financially stable of both couples is another great factor to the success of the relationship. Although not all men and women are "gold-diggers", the truth is that it is important for both to generate money for financial survival. This may be nowhere near the ideal foundation of a good relationship but reality dictates that one of the reasons why many couples break up is because one or both of them have reduced or lost their sources of income.
3. Act maturely. This may be a no-brainer but most couples act thinking that they are mature enough to handle relationship and to decide on things that are crucial to the success of the relationship. Not because you're old means that are mature. Maturity is a vague word and maybe can be interpreted differently by different people but one thing is certain: knowing that you have acted maturely on things will take a look back from yesterday. What you can do at "present" is to judge cerebrally and not emotionally the issues, actions, and decisions you and your couple should make.
4. Provide support. Knowing that there is someone he or she can lean on will help the relationship during times (it strengthens emotional connection). It also builds mutual trust among couples.
5. Show trust/Do not cheat. Another deciding factor to the success or failure of a relationship is the trust given by the couples and the honestly they show to their partner. Trust your partner and you will receive the same amount of trust from him/her. Never commit any act of cheating. This will ruin your relationship. As the saying goes, "cheaters never win."
6. Take/share responsibility. It takes two to tango, so as to a good relationship. And taking responsibility on things is one that you should both agree on. Responsibility, however, is not limited to the money, but also on the emotional support among other things.
7. Admit mistakes. First things first: It is okay to commit mistake… as long as you recognize and admit it. It is okay to become vulnerable sometimes especially to men who thinks that admitting mistakes makes them less masculine.
8. Say "sorry". And once you have recognized your mistakes, say "sorry". Do not fight ego with ego. Once you realized that you have committed something wrong, say "sorry". After all, women appreciate men who know how to admit mistakes and vice versa.
9. Forgive... it saves relationship.
10. Finally, learn not to commit the same mistakes.
www.ezinearticles.cm
But there are things that you can do in order to help you find success in your relationship. Remember this: the success and failure of the relationship, whether it is on the dating stage or after you have exchanged your vows, depend on how you treat yourself, your partner, and the things that connect you together. Therefore, knowing exactly what to do to make relationship work will give you better chances for success. Here are the top ten tips on how to achieve success to your relationship.
1. Learn to compromise. Many relationships fail for lots of different reasons. One of this is clash of egos. Couples act the way they want to as if there is a power struggle. Women are often submissive to men when it comes to who should take the helm of the relationship. But women decide more on emotion rather than logic. Men on the other hand take control and are more logical when it comes to decision making. Now, relationships tend to be shaken the typical type of command is not applied. Although this "norm" is not and should not be treated as gospel truth, there seems to be a great issue if couples go out of this "norm". The tendency is to have conflict. What couples should do is to learn how to compromise and understand each other to solve what needs to be solved.
2. Be productive. Being financially stable of both couples is another great factor to the success of the relationship. Although not all men and women are "gold-diggers", the truth is that it is important for both to generate money for financial survival. This may be nowhere near the ideal foundation of a good relationship but reality dictates that one of the reasons why many couples break up is because one or both of them have reduced or lost their sources of income.
3. Act maturely. This may be a no-brainer but most couples act thinking that they are mature enough to handle relationship and to decide on things that are crucial to the success of the relationship. Not because you're old means that are mature. Maturity is a vague word and maybe can be interpreted differently by different people but one thing is certain: knowing that you have acted maturely on things will take a look back from yesterday. What you can do at "present" is to judge cerebrally and not emotionally the issues, actions, and decisions you and your couple should make.
4. Provide support. Knowing that there is someone he or she can lean on will help the relationship during times (it strengthens emotional connection). It also builds mutual trust among couples.
5. Show trust/Do not cheat. Another deciding factor to the success or failure of a relationship is the trust given by the couples and the honestly they show to their partner. Trust your partner and you will receive the same amount of trust from him/her. Never commit any act of cheating. This will ruin your relationship. As the saying goes, "cheaters never win."
6. Take/share responsibility. It takes two to tango, so as to a good relationship. And taking responsibility on things is one that you should both agree on. Responsibility, however, is not limited to the money, but also on the emotional support among other things.
7. Admit mistakes. First things first: It is okay to commit mistake… as long as you recognize and admit it. It is okay to become vulnerable sometimes especially to men who thinks that admitting mistakes makes them less masculine.
8. Say "sorry". And once you have recognized your mistakes, say "sorry". Do not fight ego with ego. Once you realized that you have committed something wrong, say "sorry". After all, women appreciate men who know how to admit mistakes and vice versa.
9. Forgive... it saves relationship.
10. Finally, learn not to commit the same mistakes.
www.ezinearticles.cm
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